


i see it all now that you're gone

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:16:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: AU in which lukas doesnt notice that philip is gone because theyve been avoiding each other, until one day, he does





	

When school lets out for summer, Lukas is relieved. It makes avoiding Philip much easier. He doesn’t have to avert his gaze in the halls, or do his best to ignore him when a teacher calls on him in class.

He doesn’t want to avoid Philip, but the alternative is being with Philip, and with them having just pushed the school off of that rumor, he knows he can’t. Not unless he wants people finding out.

Sometimes, he doesn’t care. When it’s late, and he’s in bed, for a few minutes, he tells himself it doesn’t matter. If they all found out, it wouldn’t matter. He could kiss Philip when he wanted, and hold his hand, and do a bunch of other cheesy couple things he only allows himself to picture in the dark.

But the sun always rises, and the real world comes back, and Lukas can’t tell, and he can’t risk the secret coming out.

His solution is avoidance.

It works for the first month. He still finds himself riding near Philip’s house, and looks for him in a crowd of people, but he doesn’t outright seek him out.

Until, one day, he gets too close to the house on his bike, and sees that it’s empty, and looks like it has been for some time.

The longing hits him like a punch in the chest.

It isn’t easy to find out why the house is empty, seeing as Lukas puts most of his energy into making people believe he _doesn’t_ care where Philip is. When his surface digging leads him nowhere, he goes to Tony.

Tony, oblivious, tells him that they’re on vacation. Off to the city to see some of Helen’s family, to get out of the area for a bit.

All Lukas hears, though, is to get away from _him_.

“When will they be back?” Lukas asks, resulting in furrowed brows from Tony.

“Me and Philip are partners on a summer project.” He says quickly.

Tony shrugs, and leans back in his chair.

“Two weeks, or so.”

Two more weeks without Philip.

They’re some of the longest weeks of his life. Lukas doesn’t realize how much his world now revolves around Philip until there is no Philip. He tells Rose that he isn’t feeling good when he can, and when he does have to hang out with her and their friends, he feels like a fraud. When Rose grabs his hand, he tries to pretend that it belongs to Philip. When people talk, he stays quiet, and drinks more than he should to tune them out.

He’s teetering on the edge of a cliff when they finally get back. He’s heading to a party at Rose’s when he sees the jeep pull up to the police station, Helen and Gabe inside.

He turns around immediately, biking to Philip’s house.

He doesn’t knock, simply pushing inside, and heading up the stairs.

He finds Philip in his room, unpacking a suitcase. His hair is just a little bit longer than when Lukas last saw him, but he’s wearing that same green and white baseball tee from the night in the city, and he has those same boots on, the same jeans slung low on his hips.

Lukas stands awkwardly in the doorway, resisting the urge to grab Philip and kiss the hell out of him.

Philip glances over his shoulder, going still when he sees him. He sets the pile of clothes back on the bed, turning to face Lukas.

“Hey.” He says.

“Hey.” Lukas says. What he means to say is _I missed you, I missed you, I missed you._

“You’re back.”

Philip’s brows arch slightly.

“Yeah.”

“How was the city?”

“Good.”

“Did you get to see your mom?”

Philip’s face darkens, and he looks away.

“She’s still in rehab. No visitors.”

“Oh.” Lukas doesn’t know what else to say; he knows what he wants to say, but he isn’t sure if he can.

“I-I-uh-“ Lukas stammers. Philip looks up at him, waiting. There’s something different about him; he looks older, somehow. Like everything they’ve been through has finally settled into his skin.

“I missed you.” He says lamely.

Philip drags his tongue across his lips, eyes flicking around Lukas’ face.

“Yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Did you even know I left?”

“I-“

“You hadn’t said a word to me in weeks.”

“You avoided me, too.”

“Not for the same reasons.”

“Philip-“

“I’m tired, Lukas. Helen and Gabe are gonna be back soon.” Philip says, voice hard.

Lukas doesn’t say anything, continuing to watch silently as Philip finishes unpacking.

Philip doesn’t look surprised when he turns to find Lukas still lingering. An emotion Lukas can’t place flickers across his features, and it makes Lukas’ stomach roll.

“Would you still have kissed me in the cabin if you had known?” Philip asks.

“What?” Lukas blurts.

“If you had known what was going to happen, that people were going to-to suspect, that you’d have to do this, would you have kissed me?”

Lukas’ brows furrow, his lips parting.

“Never mind.” Philip says, the silence in the room making them both squirm. He sits down on the edge of his bed, kicking off his boots, raking a hand through his hair.

“I-I’d-“ Lukas stammers. He isn’t all that sure what he’s going to say, but he knows if he says nothing, he loses Philip for real.

It isn’t an easy answer, and Philip knows that. Lukas knows Philip well enough to know that he must regret some of it, too. But he isn’t asking Lukas if he regrets some of it. He’s asking if he regrets _all_ of it.

The boys both look towards the stairs at the sound of a car pulling up, wheels crunching gravel.

“They’re back.” Philip says, an obvious cue for Lukas to leave.

Panic fills Lukas, and he whips his head back towards Philip.

“I’m not supposed to like you this way. And I don’t know how to look at you and tell myself I’m not supposed to-“ Lukas stops, throat closing.

“Not supposed to what?”

Lukas blinks, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know how to look at you and tell myself I’m not supposed to love you.” He says.

Philip presses his lips together, and for a moment, Lukas thinks he’s going to turn away. He’s going to let the bomb Lukas just dropped detonate in his face.

He waits another long minute, and only turns to leave when he hears the front door open. He runs down the stairs and past Helen and Gabe without a word. The door swings behind him, and he’s almost made it to his bike when he hears someone running after him. He stops when he reaches the bike, and turns to find Philip standing on the porch, out of breath.

“Did you mean it?” He asks. Lukas’ stomach twists, and he lets out a breath, nodding.

“Yeah.”

Philip chews on his words, and Lukas waits.

Finally, Philip says, “Don’t go.”

And with that, everything that was loose inside of Lukas settles into place. The unease that has plagued him since he and Philip stopped talking disappears.

He walks back up to where Philip stands on the porch, eyes flicking around his face, uncertain.

His hands settle on the sides of Philip’s neck, and takes the slight intake of breath from Philip as him not protesting. He leans in, and brushes his lips against Philip’s, gently, tenderly. He tries to tell Philip everything else he wants to say in the kiss.

_I missed you, I’m sorry, I was wrong._

He pulls back, and leans his forehead against Philip’s. Philip’s warm breath hits his lips, and his hands slide down Lukas’ shirt to his waist.

“Please don’t go.” Philip says again.

 _Never_ , Lukas wants to say.

“Never.” He says.


End file.
